My Latest Theme Song

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I heard a great song when I was listening to slacker.com at work today and right away had to share it with Dave.  (I’ll share it with you in just a second.)  While it seemed like it written especially for me to share with him, I related to it just that just more because of the line:

Everyday a million things cluttering up my mind

Let me share the song with you, and then I’ll write more…

What Means the Most – Colbie Caillat

Colbie Caillat – What means the most from Miss Whatever on Vimeo.

OK, so back to a million things cluttering up my mind…

I have so much on my mind lately.  My brain never ceases to tease me with a bunch of “what ifs?’ and to-do items.  My to-do list feels as though it’s a million miles long, and by the time I get home from work I really don’t feel like working on any of them.  My brain is exhausted from thinking all day and I just want to veg out.  Unfortunately that’s not how I work.  Here are a few of my many thoughts…

  • How many words can I write in my book tonight?  Yes, I finally started writing a book about a month ago.  I have the general story line worked out in my head, but how to get from here to there is puzzling to me.  I’m about 3,500 words in, and from what I’ve gathered on the internet, an average size chick-lit starts at 60,000 words.  So, yea.  I’m struggling.
  • I have an idea for another non-fiction book, however I believe it would be best written under a pseudonym.  While my family and loved ones will know it’s out there, I’d rather that a big part of my past doesn’t.  I think the fear of its discovery has kept me from starting to write it.
  • How do I get hired permanently by my employer?  I’m working my butt off, as I have for the past 14 months, and would like to be a permanent associate.
  • Do I want to pursue another degree and open my job opportunities up tremendously?  I’ve been applying for jobs at a local (great) university in hopes that I will be hired there and be able to pursue another degree for free.  (Yes, they pay for employees to take up to a certain number of classes for no-cost besides books).  My only dilemma is that I have no idea what field I would want to pursue degree wise at that university.  I want to be creative and not pursue a field just because I could make more money in that field.  I just wish I knew what creative field I wanted to go into.
  • What do we need to do and how do we do what we need to do to buy a house?  Plainly said, we’re paying too much rent for what we’re getting, but other apartments in the area are even more expensive than ours.  However, we could buy a decent sized house and pay the same as we are now.  Unfortunately I’ve heard that a temporary job (even if it’s 14 months long so far) doesn’t get viewed as a “real” job by mortgage lenders, and my credit score is…  less than favorable.  I know I need to work on the credit score, however the job situation takes me back up to “How to get hired permanently
  • Four short years ago I got paid double what I do now and was tremendously unhappy…  And broke.  I was living off credit cards, unable to pay their bills, and paying thousands of dollars of year in bank fees due to interest and a constantly overdrawn bank account.  Now, we still live paycheck-to-paycheck, however I have learned to budget.  No, not all bills get paid every month.  But rather than pay tons of money in bank fees, we’ll deal with phone calls reminding us that our payment is late…  again…  But I’m happy.  We’re happy.  TREMENDOUSLY HAPPY!
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